I need a new journal.
My old one is nowhere near filled to the brim like the ones before, but I feel like this new chapter in my life requires a completely new book to symbolize everything that has changed you know?
There’s been a lot of change. Some really great and some I really wish hadn’t come about. Over the past 2 months I moved out of my home, moved into a new apartment, got married and am now in the process of adjusting to life as a wife alongside my new hubs. Crazy, right? We’ll sort through the details of all of that another time, but yes. Major changes and the good kind. Some other major changes, from the other side of the scale; my grandmother who lives in Barbados fell sick and passed away and right after my family dog of 16 years also fell sick and passed.
Through all of these events, I’ve been learning some really important lessons. Lessons of how to be excited and happy about life while simultaneously mourning the loss of a normal that was once so comfortable. I’ve been learning the beauty of sadness which is the simple fact that without immense sadness we wouldn’t understand the value of joy and vice versa, without the presence of joy we wouldn’t really understand the depth of loss and saddness. The fact is we need to know one to appreciate the other…and to shut oneself off to the saddness means you inadvertanly tone down the vibrancy of your joy. That took me a few days to digest…
So. In the midst of mourning and supporting my family through their grief and also accepting their support of me in mine, I’ve been training myself. Training myself to feel the emotions as they come, the tears, the confusion, the guilt…everything that comes with grieving. I feel it all and resist the urge to censor them for the sake of the comfort of others around me. Once I’ve felt them to their extent I understand them…I understand that I mourn because of the joy that was present. I understand that to have had that joy was the greatest gift. I also use this moment to learn. I note how I feel in these moments and make intentions to connect with and experience joy with those who are here with me now. Because, not to be super cliché, but there really is no time like the present.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I will go out and look for a new journal. Typically I would browse online stores for hours until I found the perfect one, but as you can probably tell, I’ve got a lot of writing to do and I’d like to get started as soon as possible.
I’ve been away for a little while. Sometimes it gets a little hard to write when life throws it’s messy little curveballs at you. Something that’s helped keep me sane has been how lovely this online community is even when a creator goes ghost for a little while. Thanks to all of you who have checked in on me, written me cute little messages on my recent posts and who have kept in touch on instagram and twitter. Y’all are the best.
For those of you not yet connected with me outside of my writings here, I’d love to connect with you on instagram or twitter or even my facebook page! I love chatting with you all (it’s literally my favorite thing).
Thanks for hanging out, talk soon!
xo Nicole Eva
Nice post. Thank u for sharing.
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Thank you, thank you for reading 🤍
Sorry to hear about your grandmother! It’s such a hard time to be apart from family right now, not being able to mourn with them. Talk about the universe bringing you two completely opposite ends of the spectrum as you stated — pure joy with your marriage (yay) and deep sadness and loss. Luckily you have a shoulder to cry on with your hubs. Have fun shopping for your new journal — it’s always such a refreshing thing to do – to start a new one; it’s that fresh new feeling of growth and introspection…much love, internet friend ❤
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🤍 thank you! And yes it has been quite a hard time for all of us I’m sure, but there are little signs and encouragements along the way that help make it less overwhelming.
Yes yes I’m excited to find the perfect one 😁!
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother and especially during all this madness going on in the world today it’s the last thing any of us need. I’ve been journaling on and off but I know it would help if I mind dump every day since I have that tendency to just hold in a lot of things and never talk about things which that is something I have to work on.
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Thank you my friend 🙏🏾
Yea it was kind of a sad add on to an already sad state.
Yes. Journaling everyday is sometimes hard to commit to (I struggle with setting aside time to do just that) but it definitely helps to take the load off of your chest to dump it all into a journal and close it up.