2018 was. A. BEAST.

So, on the real, I struggled with writing this post. I was fighting with the temptation of writing up this post and making it into a sparkly little post filled with the sunshine and rainbows of the past year and completely ignoring the hurricanes of chaos that actually took place. But, I decided against that for two reasons.

1) I hate those posts- I hate those posts where people simply tell you about all of the ways that their lives are perfect. I crave authenticity. I crave real. I saw a post the other day on my facebook about Natalie Grant. She posted on Saturday night about a panic attack she had on her flight. The entire post was moving, but what moved me the most was how she revealed that she often beats herself up when she finds herself struggling with panic. She criticizes the size and strength of her faith. Why did it move me? Is it because I’m some sicko who likes to read how others are suffering in this world? No. I think the revelation of the fact that we all struggle with something keeps us human, humble and reminds us to be gentle to others. It also reminds us that we are not alone in the things we struggle with and that sometimes, kindness goes way further than we think. I saw another post this morning by a woman I follow and kind of look up to in the blogging world. She’s a strong woman on a mission and this morning she listed all the ways this year was great and terrible at the same time. She talked about going to rehab for bulimia and I was shocked, saddened and inspired all at once. Out of all the people I imagined would struggle with such a condition, I never imaged it would be her, yet there she was. Telling us about it. For all 61.2K of her followers to see. Her co-workers. Her family members. All of them. Was there fear of criticism? Of being exposed or mocked? Yes. I’m positive…but thats what inspired me most.

2) My firm belief in 2 Corinthians 1:4 – “He comforts us in all our troubles SO THAT we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” No matter what I went through this year, I made it. I will see 2019 (thank you Jesus). What does that mean? That means somehow I’ve been given the strength to get up each day and take on the next day and the next day and the next day. That was not all for me as the verse above states. That is for those around me who are suffering in similar ways, I can offer some encouragement in my story. To hide it would be safer for me yes. I wouldn’t have to endure conversations, accusations, finger pointing, gossip or whatever…but it would also be selfish.

So I’m choosing not to be selfish. I’m choosing to share. 2018 was a hard year my friends. Welcome to my brief, real 2018 year in review (it wasn’t all bad, I’ll include those too).

In 2018 I…

• Found my voice
• Found my rhythm in blogging
• Learned the true meaning of contentment
• Reduced my debt
• Developed a deeper relationship with God
• Depression caught me off guard and knocked me off of my feet
• Learned about the importance of sisterhood
• Fell in love
• Stepped way out of my comfort zone
• Learned new skills
• Totalled my car
• Battled with my physical health
• Fell back into debt
• Reconnected with my passions
• Learned how to prioritize myself
• Learned the importance of rest
• Grew distant from God
• Gained A LOT of weight
• Had some scary doctors visits
• Fell back into negative coping habits
• Ignored my physical health
• Learned how to ask for help
• Learned how to accept help
• Learned how to forgive myself
• Started going to therapy
• Started a vlog
• Battled with my self esteem and struggled with who I knew I was, and what others said I was
• Reconnected with old friends
• Turned 27 and had a “mid”life crisis
• Moved homes/states
• Learned how to dream again
• Mourned the loss of the most beautiful soul
• Learned the true meaning of Grace

So. 2018….Can’t say I’m sad to see you go. It wasn’t all bad… a lot of good happened this year, and for those I am so so thankful. But this year was a year of growth, and stretching and I am READY to see the fruits of the labor. BYE 2018!!! 2019, we welcome you with excitement!